Rachael Ray’s Recipes Officially Recognized as Dog Food

By , March 18, 2008 16:50

Rachel Ray & IsabooNo, like for real. I was surfing through my DirecTV channel guide, as I usually do on Sunday mornings, looking for random stuff to TiVo. I see a new show on the Food Network. Then I’m all like, are they friggin’ kidding? Are they for real? I can’t believe I saw a show titled, Rachael Ray Feeds Your Pets. Yeah, I was shocked too. But not really shocked. I mean, we should have seen this coming.

I amazed myself when I actually queued this show in to be TiVo’d. I was further amazed when I actually watched the damn thing. To my own credit, I didn’t watch all of it. But most of it. Some say this is another brilliant display of Rachael’s expansive talents and the Food Network’s programming prowess. Apocalypse now is what I say. I think I hear the red horseman galloping this way!

Rachael lovingly prepares three homemade recipes for her pit bull, Isaboo, who “gobbles them right up!” No shit, Ray-Ray? A dog gobbling up “people food?” Who knew? My ex-beagle used to “gobble up” my dirty underwear. Rachael should do a follow up show where she makes a doggie soup stock from boiling down my dirty underwear, socks, some old tissue paper and anything else we can find in my hamper or garbage can. Dogs love that shit! My beagle actually loved, and I mean LOVED eating used paper towels and snot soaked Kleenex tissues. She even ate whole wooden school ruler once. Seriously. Five minutes later she puked up the wood shards and tried to eat them again. Hey, she’s a dog. That’s what dogs do. They will eat absolutely anything.

Over the years several culinary institutions, including my own Massachusetts-based culinary media lab, have questioned whether Rachael Ray’s recipes have been fit for human consumption. As I have always suspected, her recipes aren’t fit for the animal kingdom either. Rachael made some kind of meatball stew-like thing with ditalini pasta for Isaboo. Rachael called them “mini muttballs” though. How cute. Her recipe calls for onions and garlic cause Isaboo loves the added flavor. Check this out … onions and garlic are generally toxic to dogs and cats. Really. Click here.

She also spends time with some totally hip pet nutritionist. Everyone else calls it a vet. This crap is getting out of hand. I love dogs, but it would be a cold day in hell before I start rolling out meatballs for Boochie. He’d have to learn to vacuum the place and set the table before he ever got that treatment. How cool would it have been if she made some gourmet braised veal osso bucco to feed your goldfish. Cause it would make them soooo happy! I think I’m on to something. I should be one of her writers.

Yankees suck!

One Response to “Rachael Ray’s Recipes Officially Recognized as Dog Food”

  1. Andi says:

    Tell me how you really feel, Jamie. You’re hilarious…
    I love Rachel Ray, but I agree with you. I have yet to watch one of her cooking shows that I actually want to try something she fixes. I am in tune with her love for her pet, but never in a million years would I give my dog, who is like my child, any people food – he gets fed just fine with his dog food and treats. Whatever… if you’re a healthy eater at all, her stuff really isn’t for you.
    And by the way, the underwear/sox/tissues ordeal is SOOOOOO true! Add to that bugs, muddy water, jewelry, dirt, doodie, etc.

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