I haven’t been doing anything with this site for who knows how long. Luckily my lovely friend Leigh from Beverly has been adding some recipes served up with her dazzling personality.
A lot has happened in my life over the past two years. Some truly great and amazing things and some not. I’ll be updating content in the near future while revamping the underlying infrastructure.
There still seems to be a lot of web traffic here. Quite a bit from California and eastern Massachusetts. Particularly the Mass north shore and an alarmingly large amount of visits from Hamilton!!! What’s that all about?
Stay tuned …
So I dressed as Don King for Halloween and sent the pic to my buddy who is a sports writer for the Examiner and a former attorney for Don King Productions. Looks like he liked the get up so much he posted it on his nationally syndicated sports page. Wicked good!
Last night Rachael Ray was texting me all upset still over Martha Stewart slamming her in a Nightline interview a week or so ago. I exported the text from my iPhone using a non-Apple approved app. Check it …
RaRay: hi JamieCakes!!!
J.Ho: hi SugarBum, wasup?
RaRay: I can’t believe this shit!!!
RaRay: Did you see what that tw@ Martha Stewart said about me on Nightline?
J.Ho: Like I watch Nightline!?!?!
RaRay: Yeah, anyway, she went off on me saying how I admitted to her once that I don’t know how to bake. Is that news to anyone? Haaaarow?!?!?
J.Ho: LOL!! I know only a few things as fact. It will get dark tonight. Monday comes after Sunday. and you can’t bake! I’m not much or a baker either. Who actually bakes anyways?
RaRay: That’s not all … she said my new cookbook is just a compilation of old, re-editied recipes.
J.Ho: Get the fuck outta here
J.Ho: Ummm, aren’t all recipes pretty much re-edits of older recipes?
RaRay: TOTALLY!!! There hasn’t been an original cookbook published since like the 20s
J.Ho: The Giada De Laurentiis cookbook “Everyday Italian” was pretty original
RaRay: FUCK YOU!
RaRay: I’m all wound up and you’re makin fuckin jokes
J.Ho: Sorry, you still love me though
RaRay: Anyway, then she goes on saying how she writes books that are lasting, unique things that everyone would want in their library. BULLSHIT!
J.Ho: I was just at Costco and saw a book of hers on the discount table titled, “Martha Stewart’s Homekeeping Handbook: The Essential Guide to Caring for Everything in Your Home” … yeah, everything but your husband and daughter!!!
RaRay: Yeah, total family woman. Her ex-husband hopes she starts bleeding out of her eyes and her daughter wouldn’t have anything to do with her until she bought her a nice little private jet
RaRay: And she says I’m just an entertainer, not a “teacher” like her. Ummm, and her point is?
J.Ho: Where has she been?
RaRay: LOCK UP!!! THAT’S WHERE!!!
J.Ho: LOL, what makes her think you’re an entertainer? Was it your 52 TV shows? Or your Daytime Emmys?
RaRay: God I swear every time that old goat opens her mouth a cloud of dust puffs out.
J.Ho: Don’t worry about it. She’s just jealous. Total jelly! She needs some peanut butter cause she’s so jelly!
J.Ho: Look, she has no personal life, her own family hates her, she’s been in lock down, her company’s valuation is in the toilet and she has no idea how to relate to the public. She made a career on telling women how to be wonderful little homemakers. That shit doesn’t fly nowadays.
RaRay: No shit!
J.Ho: And if she’s gonna try to get noticed again, the only thing she can do is to talk shit and compare herself to the ruler of the universe, which is you, BubbleButt! It won’t work.
RaRay: You’re totally right. I just responded by saying, “Yeah, you cook better than me, Martha. C-ya!”
RaRay: What are you doing tonight?
RaRay: Where are you playing?
J.Ho: Lucky Dog, probably
RaRay: Sweet, I gotta run. I have nine more books I have to finish writing by tomorrow afternoon. Copy/Paste, Copy/Paste!!!! Oh, I saw Taylor Swift the other day. She couldn’t stop raving about the mix CD you made for her.
J.Ho: I put a lot of thought into that CD. Especially the order of the playlist.
RaRay: Does she know about us?
RaRay: Sweet! … bye!
RaRay: Hug hug, kiss kiss, hug hug, big kiss, little hug, kiss kiss, little kiss
J.Ho: Ok, Nacho!
RaRay: Yankees suck!
J.Ho: God, I love you!
So my Bedfordite pal, Markie DeBeers, and I go out for a Chinese lunch buffet, and I get this fortune in my cookie:
“Your fastidious nature has much more fun this year!”
Not only did I have no friggin’ idea what fastidious meant. Neither did DeBeers. I couldn’t even pronounce it. And vocabulary, spelling and pronunciation are things I’m wicked good at. So I Google the word and he’s what I learn …
fastidious: fas·tid·i·ous (f?-st?d’?-?s); adjective
1. Possessing or displaying careful, meticulous attention to detail.
2. Difficult to please; exacting.
3. Excessively scrupulous or sensitive, especially in matters of taste or propriety.
4. Microbiology. Having complicated nutritional requirements.
So I guess they are saying I’m an asshole. And the fortune cookie predicts my asshole nature is going to have a great time this year. I guess that’s good. WARNING: If you thought I was an asshole last year, just wait!
When Markie tried to crack open his fortune cookie, it shattered into a hundred pieces. Just completely broke apart and fell all over the table. He was like, “Faaaauck! My cookie is wicked pinned! That cookie just shattahed … oh look heeeyah doooood, the faaachun says: Kid, good thing yah not allehgic to fehkin dust paaahticles!”
I know of several ways to roast a turkey. But only one or two ways that actually yield a delicious, juicy bird. I was cruising the Boston Globe’s online Food section. What do you know. They have a roasted turkey recipe. Since I’m one always willing to learn something new or something old, yet effective, I clicked on the link. Look at it for yourself here.
Now I noticed the article was dated 2006. It’s not like I’m expecting a turkey recipe from 2007 to be irrelevant in 2007. The roasting method seemed pretty simple and straightforward, which is the typical methodology for cooking anything delicious. Three times the article refers to a chart for gauging the roasting time. Something that’s pretty important in my opinion. Anyone can season a bird and slap it in the oven. The mystical part of roasting a turkey is figuring out how damn long the thing needs to be in the oven, and at what temps and stuff.
The chart they are referring to is not found anywhere on that page! What the hell? If I had to guess, and I hate having to guess, I would say this article was originally published in the paper version of the Globe and reincarnated as a short article for the web a year later. Someone’s lazy ass did a simple cut-and-paste from some database (or maybe it was an automated system) and simply syndicated the article. But somehow forgot to, or intended to leave out the important roasting chart.
Typical, TYPICAL Boston Globe journalism for you. Lots of fluff that everyone knows and leaving out the things that we might actually need.
By Anna, Senior Analyst, pleasurecooker.com
Scrutinizing a bag of Trader Joe’s frozen organic vegetables doesn’t normally rank in my top ten things to do but that is exactly what I was doing the other evening. There seemed to be no cooking instructions anywhere to be found, not even after donning reading glasses or checking the wine bottle to make sure I hadn’t had a little more than I thought. I never did find any instructions but something in small black print did catch my eye: PRODUCT OF CHINA.
Not to be vegetablly-incorrect or anything but there seems something incredibly perverse about a broccoli floret traveling 7000 miles to get to a dinner plate (although some five-year-olds would argue NO distance is justified). On the flip side, if it was the bag that was from China, might this not be even more disturbing given recent events? Organic veggies, after all, are only as wholesome as the rat poison not lacing the package lining. As far as the quaint farm pictured on the bag? Probably a graphic artist’s creation made on her Mac computer and the real farm is a diesel-dusty field alongside an office park in Beijing.
The point is: 1) knowing where your food comes from is a good thing, and 2) vegetables and fruits freshly harvested from a local farm are a lot tastier than those that have spent weeks in the dark hull of a cargo ship.
Supporting local farmers is a win-win: good for helping preserve our open space and farmland and good for the economy. The alternative is ugly as more and more farmers are forced to sell their land to developers. And last I checked, McMansions don’t offer much in the way of nutritional value (a few years of firewood perhaps but that’s it).
You may not be able to find locally grown blackberries in November but at least your state representative or senator’s Blackberry is always in season. Email him or her today in support of “Buy Local” initiatives in your area. Yankees suck and they should start eating their broccoli — preferably from China!